Dear Carter,

My firstborn. My warrior. Ten years ago you changed my title to Mommy. For that, I am forever grateful. It’s a hard pill to swallow knowing you are this grown. I blinked, and here you are, standing in front of me as this small man into which you’ve grown. Ten years of both incredibly wonderful and incredibly difficult times. You’ve gracefully tackled each year admirably.

I never thought I’d love having a son, let alone three. I had to tell your dad I was pregnant for the first time, with you, through email because where he was working at the time had zero cell phone service. I remember my ultrasound where I found out you were a boy. I spotted your “manlies”, as you like to refer to them, immediately…your dad was so anxious to have a son he didn’t see it at first. I wish you could have seen the smile on his face when he learned you were going to be his son and the smile again the day you were born and he held you for the first time. You changed him before you even arrived, but you changed him entirely that day in October. You changed us both and for the better. With your first cry, I cried. I melted with your first smile. For ten years it’s been this way. I cry with you, I laugh with you, I soak you in every chance I get.

For several years you lived carefreely and it was wonderful to watch. You grew into a big brother just before you turned three and were amazing from day one. I’ll never forget walking in on you changing a diaper for me without even telling me what you had planned. Kind and helpful have been traits within you from the beginning. Life, however, changed for you when you were four. You have walked through fires some cannot fathom, watched events transpire from which I wish I could have shielded you, and I slowly watched you tuck away the carefree spirit and replaced it with a careful demeanor. You watched a tree fall on your Papaw, your Mimi went through hard cancer treatments, watched your secure world wash down the river in 2016, watched your beloved aunt, who sheltered you post-flood, slowly pass away, buried five family members by the age of five, and countless trials that came with each event. Just as you became comfortable with life after each tumultuous trial, something else came along, pulling the rug out from your feet once again. You never gave up though. I knew your idol being John Cena would come in handy one day.

Through every single slap that life gave you, I’ve admired how you got right back up, although slightly changed each time. Through it all, you’ve always put God first. Still to this day, when asked who do you love the most, without hesitation you tell me, God. We both know that’s how each of us has made it through all of these trials. You have Joshua 1:9 written in each of your baseball hats for a reason. Although you aren’t there yet, I’m gradually watching you shift from a child affected by his life’s trials to a young man who wears those scars like war paint. Even when it gets hard, you wipe your tears before they have a chance to roll down your cheeks just like the resilient human you were created to be. I know you are destined for something great because God didn’t create you this strong and give you so much to face if He didn’t want it for His plan for you.

My sweet Carter today is your day. Today you made it to double digits. Relax because you’ll be here for a while. You are in quarantine right now, but you take it all in stride. Remember last year when you were in the E.R. after you took the line drive to your mouth while pitching and left teeth marks in the ball? Thanks to your braces, you still have teeth that shine beautifully with that gorgeous Carter smile. You are kind, selfless, strong, handsome, smart, and so much more. You are one of the most unique people I know. Remember the time I told you we were going to watch a meteor shower and you dressed in a raincoat with rain boots and an umbrella? You beat to your own drum and I hope you always stay that way. You can’t be bothered with knowing how to match your clothes or socks, there’s too much fun to be had for insignificant things like that. Life, for you, has only just begun.

My birthday wish for you is this. I wish, and pray, that you continue to grow as you currently are. I don’t necessarily mean physically, although you have aspirations of being 6’4″…eat your vegetables and maybe you will be. No, I mean I wish to see you continue to grow as a beautiful human. Continue to love God with your whole heart. Your heart is the most precious and beautiful thing about you. You have the ability to change others just through your actions and how you live your life. Even as things get hard, and they will yet again, keep steady and know just who you are…the boy who faced down the devil on more than one occasion and won. This journey is your great adventure and I’m so thankful I get to watch as you grow through it all.

Happy 10th Birthday to my gorgeous boy, my forever birthday buddy, my best friend, Carter Rayburn. I love you more than coffee, chocolate, the month of October, straight to the moon and back.

Love, Momma